Weekend Fun

Ahhh. The time has come. You’ve finally planned to spend a romantic weekend away together. Your bed is a catwalk of all your matching lingerie sets and the “weekend look” outfits that In Style suggests are sexy this season. You dream of sex on a fluffy rug in front of a fireplace, or maybe some action on a private beach as the foamy waves slap against your naked bodies.

Yeah. Right.

First of all, don’t have sex on the beach. Sand is evil. And alive. It gets into cracks and cavities you never knew you had. And sex by a fire, can be dangerous. For obvious reasons. But I digress.

I’m assuming it’s your first time. It’s the first time that you will spend a whole uninterrupted 72 hours alone with eachother. Do you even know what that means?? Well, for one, it means you should try not to eat too much, because you definitely will not be visiting the bathroom for number two while he’s a paper-thin door away. Second, and more importantly, on this first ride towards the Pleasantville of ultimate intimacy, that only comes from spending too much time together, you will learn A LOT about eachother.

Someone will be nervous, self-conscious. Someone will be excited. Add that to the fact that someone will most definitely get drunk, and there you have it. What better moment to talk about crazy parents, secret obsessions with Barbies or Star Wars, most embarrassing moments, inferiority complexes, the works.

This is also the perfect opportunity for a glimpse at what the future holds. Does he spend half of the day texting his BF? Is he glued to his iPad or laptop? Wait. What, he brought his laptop? Does he choose what activities you will indulge in during the day? Does he make you drive? Do you volunteer to drive because he’s drunk the entire time? How loudly does he snore and for what percentage of the night? Do you have sex? Lots of it?

What happens when you come back home? When he drops you off at your front door and speeds off towards the horizon. Some of us choose to hide under the safety of their blanket and breathe, think, reminisce. Others immediately call up their girlfriends and arrange a night of binge drinking and gossiping. I’ve even heard a story where one party was so shaken up by the weekend of magical intimacy that she wanted to break up with her boyfriend the day after they got back.

But hey, here’s the ideal. And this is what I hope happens to you after your first weekend together.

You won’t want to get out of the car. You’ll tingle with a sense of emptiness as you watch him drive away from. You’ll sit on your couch and smile for a couple of hours, stare blankly at the wall. Then he’ll call/email/text you, whatever your MO. Or maybe you will. Without thinking. You’ll go to bed fuzzy and warm, content with being a step closer to the real thing.