Gals, it’s kind of a flat day today. I’m not sad, not happy, not excited, not bored, not angry. I can’t even find something to complain about. Or wait, I just did. I’m complaining about feeling it’s a flat day today. But no, this doesn’t count; it has nothing to do with men. Let me go find something.
So, I’m thinking I’m going to write you whatever goes on in my head for the next half hour or so. Think of it like a newsletter of the mind of Beth.
There are all these bros, friends of mine on Facebook, who keep posting that it’s the annual “Steak and Blow Job Day” today. There is even a site. And you can buy t-shirts. Does this happen every year? Where have I been living? What do they do, come home to their partners, expect a steak on the table and a pleasurable dessert? Great day for us. Not to speak of vegetarian lesbians. I wonder if they’ve made t-shirts for women. Somehow doubt it. Should we establish a “Chocolate Ice Cream and Cunnilingus Day”? Say, on the 15th of every month? Let me know what date is good for you, I’ll make the site. Sue will be in charge of the tank tops. Maybe we’ll have a bake sale to raise some dough. Maybe a carwash. I’ll wait for your input and ideas.
Moving along. What the fuck is up with IvyDate? Again, have I been living on another planet, in another time? Maybe. But really, Ivy Date? Smart and driven singles? I’m going to sign up, just so I know what I’m talking about. Brb.
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Please hold, completing 80% of profile before I can continue.
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It’s asking me if I’m “actively engaged” or “passively detached.” What does that mean? Engaged in what? Detached from what? The Ivy League Alumni Association?
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Oh. Perfect. “Spiritual but not religious” is an option in the religion column.
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Almost there. Said I want to have three kids, described myself as “fun, cute, smart”. Ok, there’s no way the Ivy is going to approve me with that description.
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Ok, that’s it. I’m out. It is now asking me what school I went to, what degree I earned AND an alumni email, obviously associated with the institution I attended for my grade A education. Above all these questions it says, in red: EDUCATION STATUS UNVERIFIED. I’m outta there.
#whyimfatexcuses is trending on Twitter. Here’s my tweet: #whyimfatexcuses: cuz I can’t get on IvyDate.
Wow, wish you were here with me now, there’s a beautiful sunset outside my window.
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Gals, that’s most of what’s gone through my mind in the past, hmm, almost 45 minutes. I feel so exposed. It’s wine time for me. Or maybe I should go get a steak.
Just don’t overcook it.
It’s your #1 stalker.
I would like to add a brownie and caramel sauce to my “Chocolate Ice Cream and Cunnilingus Day.” Guess I’m going to have to work extra hard on cooking his steak tonight!