Sue Speaks: The Breakup Notes

So there is this great Lorrie Moore story about a woman whose baby is dying of cancer called “People Like That Are the Only People Here” and it ends with the line: “There are the notes. Now, where is the money?”

Well, Rob (aka the bro) and I broke up. I can’t yet write about what happened, a lot of that is going into the book I’m working hard to finish as some pathetic form of relationship revenge, I mean, personal growth, but here are the notes. These notes are not only about Rob, they’re about everyone I’ve ever dated and broken up with, because you know, they’re all still oddly relevant.

I thought he loved me
I know he loved me, it just wasn’t enough
I scared him off
I put too much pressure on him
He refused to grow up
He has mommy issues
Even though he treated me this way, I know he really meant it that way
He was a terrible communicator
He was shut down
I wasn’t pretty enough
I threw too many fits
I didn’t throw enough fits
I was too nice
I was a bitch
We drank too much
I made all the effort
It was always on his terms
He compared me to his exes
He told me he didn’t know what love was
He said I needed more of my own life
He hated my friends
I hated his friends
The sex was average
I’m giving up the best sex of my life
He loved when I dominated him. I wanted him to be the man
He worked all the time
He wasn’t ambitious enough
I felt like I was constantly chasing him
He smothered me
He never told his parents about me
He fell asleep on my birthday
He got his dick sucked by another guy and claimed he wasn’t gay
I wrote papers for him in college
He told me what to eat
He only told me I was pretty
He never told me I was pretty
But it was real, I swear
He got scared
He ran away
He wanted a mommy
He broke up with me on my voicemail
He came back
They always come back
He feels lost
I suffocated him
He wants someone dumb and submissive and she’ll be prettier than me
He never asked me questions
He didn’t understand my work
He only talked about himself
He made a lot of promises he didn’t keep
All talk, no action
He avoided intimacy
He was addicted to porn
He flaked
He couldn’t handle me
He’s weak, I’m strong
He’s looking for easy, I’m hard
He felt trapped
He thought I wanted to marry him
He didn’t love me enough
He didn’t fight for me
He didn’t know what he had until it was gone
We had such a strong connection
He didn’t want to be challenged
He didn’t open doors
He wasn’t romantic
He didn’t pay for anything
He refused to drive
He only told me sweet things when he was drunk
He cared about my orgasms in the beginning, then forgot
He never wanted to go out
He only used me to show off to his friends
He ordered food for me in restaurants
He taught me how to slow dance
He took me to the opera
He introduced me to cool bands
I thought we wanted the same life
The more he tried to act like a man, the less I respected him
I made more money than him
He was afraid I would be more successful than him
He had no dreams
He just wanted to get drunk with his friends
He wanted a doll
He didn’t care about my opinions
He cared about my opinions until they were different from his
He never liked my mother
He cheated on me
I cheated on him
He flirts with everyone
He liked the game
He hurt me
I let him hurt me
I let him hurt me over and over until I had to walk away
I miss the way he held me