Ah. Finally. The differences between men and women have been explained. Or let me rephrase that. There is finally an explanation for all the annoying things men do. It’s called evolution. Or lack thereof. I suggest you sit down for this one, if you’re not already sitting. Make sure it’s somewhere comfortable, you may freeze in silent awe when you’re done reading. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
So last night, I met up with a friend, I’ve known him for decades, he’s a non-Mormon, non-Muslim, non-displaced time traveller, educated man. He has two and a half girlfriends. (Half because the third one is not official yet.) The first two are both relationships that are way over a year old. He tried to explain to me how it all works, how everything is under control in this little triangle he’s set up. And then gave me the following speech. And I quote:
“You know, we are polygamic animals. We were made that way by nature. Back in the days of the cavemen, men wouldn’t even hang out with women except when they had sex. We’d hunt, gather, have time to ourselves. We also had sex with many women. Something went wrong with evolution. Our DNA has not caught up with society’s expectations of us. It is our primal instinct to have more than one partner, there’s nothing we can do about it.”
I’m sure most of you have heard some ass tell you something similar in your lifetime. This guy here isn’t even an ass, I’m not even his girlfriend, I did not need to hear that. But what scared me was the extent to which he believed every word that he said.
I wanted to ask him if he was still comfortable hanging out with me, it had been over an hour, maybe he needed to go get his spear and chase some wild boar. But instead I nodded. I said that oh, now I understand.
Then I wanted to ask him what he thought the real reason behind his unwillingness to one person commit was. I wanted to talk him through it, explain to him that the problem wasn’t in his DNA, but in his head. I wanted to scream that women would love to have multiple long-term partners as well, different types, one for each of her needs. Some women do. But they’re sluts, it’s not their DNA’s fault. I wanted to ask what parts of our genetic make up has remained with us as dominantly as their polygamic instinct. But I again, remained silent, because gals, THAT’s evolution. Another example of evolution is being able to outpower my desire to be humped like a bunny every time I see a male that triggers some chemical in my brain that I “can’t” control. As is accepting the fact that we’ll never understand eachother. For obvious reasons.
I know lots of men who don’t cheat on their partners. Are these men more evolved? Has their DNA adapted to society’s demands? Or are they more in control of their manly instincts? Whatever it is, do you think that if they can control these innate polygamic urges, they could also control some of their other primal instincts? Now there’s something to think about.